Kirsten and I were always so appreciative of all of those who were there for us over the years. Knowing that people near and far were thinking of us, having food delivered, receiving thoughtful words and so many offers of anything we needed, gave both of us strength. Many said that they wished they could do more or had the words to make things right. Just hearing those sentiments was very helpful. Of course, the only thing that could really have made things better was for Kirsten to be cured and no one had the answer for that.
The encouragement that I've been receiving since Kirsten's passing has been inspirational. I am so grateful to so many. Thank you all. If I was to thank everyone individually or recall every helpful moment, this would be a blog entry of the epic novel variety.
It was evident how much I needed support as friends and family surrounded me in those first moments of loss. As my mom and I have talked about over a cup of tea, of the few things in life that are actually important, meaningful relationships have to be the most significant. Such is the relationship with my son, Miles, who has been so loving, giving, thoughtful, and uncompromisingly compassionate. I'm so fortunate to have him.
I have been trying to find a way to deal with the sadness. There is nothing I can do that truly takes away the pain though I do realize how important a laugh or a distraction is. It's also an important part of this process to talk about Kirsten and how I'm feeling. They say that grieving takes as long as it takes and that my experience is not unique. I'm going to need my family and friends to continue with Project Ian for a while longer.
By the way, if any of my family or friends needs my support, I'm available.
My amazing friend Kat sent me this quote:
"Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief."